An incident happened yesterday that made me feel extremely outraged and agitated. A horrible, vile, girl that used to be in my year at school had took it upon herself to assume she knew about my life and wrote an enormous status on her social media page totally slating and degrading me. This girl is the sort of person everyone encounters at least once in their life; a girl in which revels in seeing or making other people miserable – a girl who will never change.
I suffer from severe depression and awful anxiety, and I have done for over a year now. ( I do not want people’s sympathy, not at all, all I would ever want is a person’s understanding.) It’s been a terrible, dreadful and strenuous year for me and I’m doing everything I can at the moment to get myself better. This girl set me back last night, momentarily, until I realised that I would not let a person as irreverent as this knock me back and ruin what progress I’ve made so far. I wasted many tears last night, crying over this person, who quite frankly does not give a damn about anyone else but herself.
She had wrote a massive status claiming that she was basically better than everyone else; stating how she has had numerous jobs, she is at University, she has a car etc. She then went on to scrutinise people who are currently not working, who are currently not in further education and where do they get the money from? Now, I know for certain this was aimed at me as she then went on to mention all of the things I blog about: such as my gym membership, getting help from my family… What gave her the right to then broadcast her totally unwanted opinion on her Facebook page? Well, the same right that I have to voice my opinion on her through a blog post!
Not that I have to justify myself but I just want to state that I have very supportive people in my life and if it wasn’t for them I would still be locking myself in my bedroom, daily, and refusing to leave my house. I would not have went to the doctors to seek help, I would not be actively working with professionals to get myself out there and do things that people, such as this heartless girl that made me want to write this blog, would class as normal. To me, going to the gym is a pretty big deal. A trip to the cinema or a visit to a family member’s is a massive achievement for me. To leave my bedroom is the equivalent of someone, such as her, going out for the day and doing whatever it is they do. It’s a big step in the right direction. I’ve only been going to the gym for two weeks; I was put forward for it by someone who explained that it may work wonders for my mood and it would be beneficial for me as it would encourage me to leave my bedroom. And it does. Hallelujah. It’s one of the very few things, in life, I can do independently at the moment and for that I am extremely proud. This girl mentioned in her status last night ‘how can people who are not working afford a gym membership?’. People should not comment when they do not know other’s situations.
This girl’s boyfriend then proceeded to claim that I write a “Self-obsessed blog”. I tried to suppress myself from answering to that comment – but I would like to explain myself now, to those of you who love reading my blogs, what it actually means to me. Yes my blog is mainly about me (and my life). The reason for that is because I was encouraged by my therapeutic counsellor to keep writing as much as I can. Writing is the way that I express myself. I have done a journal throughout my whole life and I decided one day to pluck up enough courage to take this to the next level and begin an online blog. I was absolutely overjoyed and surprised by the overwhelming support I received after posting just one blog post – people were so interested (and understanding) in my life and sent me heartening comments and left beautiful comments. It was lovely. It encouraged me – made me want to write more and more.
This girl that tried to set me back last night, she did, but not for long. I began having extremely negative thoughts after reading her cruel and inhuman status. Does everybody think this of me? What if my blog posts are making people think badly of me? I’m inferior to these sort of people… I suddenly realised, after countless messages from various people, that this heartless girl was not going to set me back. No way. She knows nothing about me. Nothing. Neither does her boyfriend. He began stating that I am faking having mental health problems and that my depression is not ‘severe’. I did not even try and justify myself to him. I would not be on medication and actively seeking help – from the people who know best – on a weekly basis if I was perfectly fine. I want to work, I want to go to college, I want to do driving lessons, I want to go out for meals with my boyfriend and out with my friends and think nothing of it – but I can’t! I wish, with all of my heart, soul, body and mind, that I could – but I just can’t. Something stops me. Something in my head tells me that leaving my room is not good. I want to obliterate these thoughts and think like a normal person, the way I used to, but I can’t.
It’s terrible, in this day and age, that people are so judgemental and heartless that they would go out of their way to bring other people down. It really is. Nobody knows anyone else’s situation. Nobody understands what other people are going through. Therefore, sometimes it’s best just to keep yourself to yourself. That’s what I do. I have always kept myself to myself. Until I started blogging, of course. I want to be open, I want people to know that I am 19 years old and I am suffering from depression and anxiety (because I know I am surrounded by many others who are going through the same thing and take comfort in my writing), I want to try and talk about my thoughts and feelings through writing because it is the only way I can and most of all I want to reach out to people who don’t know me and learn to like me through my words.
I’m always as honest and candid as I can be in my writing. I throughly enjoy blogging and writing journal entries – it is my passion – I don’t want to let one person ruin all that for me by trying to kick me when I’m already down. For once in my life I am being positive.
I have came to realise, in this life, there will always be jealous and unacceptable people who just find faults in everyone else to make themselves feel better; I am very pleased and proud to say that I am not one of those people. I take my hat off to people who work hard and enjoy life and succeed – I hope one day, when I get better, I will be doing the same.
In a way, I am glad that bitch wrote a status about me because I was able to write a very fruitful blogpost about the scenario. I feel a lot better now that I have wrote this.
“Never be bullied into silence.
Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.”
– Harvey Fierstein