My head is pretty much all over the place at the moment. I just thought I would write a blog post and let off some steam: I’m going to start by telling you a bit about my day.
Today I visited Glasgow’s Hospital, the notorious ‘Royal’, to see my Gran Rundell. I was absolutely dreading going back to this place; the last time I stepped foot in The Royal was to witness my Gran McElhinney’s death. I was filled with trepidation as I entered the building today – floods of memories, thoughts and feelings all came frantically into my head -I was with my mum and dad. It was like we were re-living the day I lost my Gran all over again. My heart sank. As we approached the hospital entrance today, I knew my mother and father were thinking the same thoughts as I was, and so I held myself together. I so badly wanted to turn away (I wasn’t sure if I could face being back in that place) I never wanted to have to come back to this place ever again. And here I was. Visiting my Gran Rundell, who has been hospitalised and diagnosed with the exact same things that my Gran McElhinney was put in here for. It’s all too much for me to take in but I wanted to come visit my Gran Rundell and put a smile on her face. She was absolutely made up to see me. I sat by her bedside, and I worried for her, I didn’t like seeing her this way. I thought of my Gran McElhinney and what she went through; I didn’t want this for my Gran Rundell too. As she struggled for her breath today, exhausted and drained, her extremely shaking hand reached out for mine and she clasped them together. As I sat and watched over her, she stroked my hand subtlety with her fragile fingers – it was as though she could read mind and she was reassuring me that everything would be OK. I have no doubt in my mind that my Gran Rundell will make a speedy recovery – I just hope that she makes it out for Christmas – It’s going to be my first Christmas without my precious Gran McElhinney, and I just feel like I need her there.
After visiting my Gran at the hospital, I popped in to see my elderly – but extremely elegant and glamorous – special friend, Avril (in whom I have previously wrote a blog post about) and she was really glad to see me. She utilised her lovely nature, without any effort, to cheer me up. Avril constantly rhapsodises over me. She speaks so highly of me, and has so much faith in me, as if I were one of her own. She never fails to make me smile. I am blessed to have such a wonderful lady in my life.
I had an errand to run today, which usually my mum does for me, but today I done it by myself. I was totally stressed out – everything just seemed to go wrong – it was such a commotion. After several hours, it eventually got sorted, but I was totally dispirited and ready to just come home and collapse on to my bed.
It’s safe to say, it has been a hectic day. I’m really glad I got to visit my Gran Rundell and hear her voice, I managed to pop in to visit my dear friend, Avril, and exchange Christmas presents and have a quick catch up and I am just about to spend the rest of my evening with my wonderful boyfriend – which is well needed after such a long and strenuous day.
It’s only a couple more days until Christmas – my heart is just not in it this year. I wish I could rewind time and go back to last Christmas and appreciate every single millisecond of what I had. I’m missing my Gran so much, more than any words will ever be able to describe…