I’ve been a bit reluctant to blog recently as I received one or two negative messages following my previous blog. I don’t know why I took the comments to heart as one of them was from a girl which revels in constantly trying to make me feel miserable about myself. After giving it a lot of thought, I have accepted the fact that there will always be people out there that would rather witness you fail than succeed. My good friend, Lozza, told me that no matter what I do – people will always judge me anyway. It’s true. That’s life. I may as well be judged for something I enjoy doing: writing.
I gave the gym a break for a while as I was paranoid that people were talking negatively about me for going – judging and questioning. However, that break from the gym made me realise how much good it was doing. I still don’t feel like I could go by myself. I go with a friend. I have really bad days where I just want to stay in my bedroom, not face the world, and my friend encourages me to go and I always feel better for doing it. I don’t want to go back to the days where I would go weeks, months on end, constantly wanting to stay in the confines of my own bedroom walls. I am fully aware that I am still going to have many days like this before I get better however visits to the gym regularly is great progression for me. When I am there, it is like I zone out, I push myself and push myself. I work up a sweat to help obliterate all the tension, feelings and worries that I have – if even for a single moment.
I keep reminding myself that this is the beginning of a new year: 2016. I have to look forward. I have to try, as hard as I can, this year. In my last post I briefly mentioned some of my goals. One of which was to frequently blog. I haven’t done so this week as my mind has been in another place. In saying that, I want to stick by my words. I will try my best to religiously blog about everything and anything. The heartening messages I receive from people telling me that they thoroughly enjoy reading my blogs is enough to make me want to continue. Another thing that I mentioned in my last post is that I was not going to let anyone get in the way of me making progress this year and getting better – which is why I have decided to brush off the nasty comments I received from my last post. I am always grateful to people that take their precious time (emphasis on the word precious – time is something we can never get back) to read my blogs. It is partially a compliment that even people who dislike me take the time to read my blogs. Perhaps it is just out of curiosity or snoopiness but I see it is a good thing. I want these people to know how hard I am trying. I am going through such a difficult time, and I have been for quite a long period of time now but I want everyone to know how lucky I am for being surrounded by the greatest bunch of people I could ever possibly ask for to help me get through it. I am also working with the loveliest, understanding and reliable people to make progress and get better. I may not be at my best at the moment and becoming successful, wealthy or triumphant. But I’m trying to find myself again and I am trying, with all of my might, to wake up one day and look forward to the day ahead. One day, I will wake up without dread and weariness. One day.
There was nothing in particular I wanted to blog about this evening. I just wanted to do a quick post as it is Sunday night and it has been several days since my last blog entry. I have been trying my very best to keep a positive mindset recently. It is one of the biggest struggles in life that I have ever faced. But it’s something I want. So, I will keep blogging. I will try my best to go to the gym as often as I can. I will practice mindfulness as much as possible. (For those of you who do not know what mindfulness is – please research it – It is a wonderful thing for everyone in it’s own way.) I will write a blogpost throughout the next few months about mindfulness.
In response to the girl who dislikes me, very much so, that stated I should stop blogging and start doing something productive with my life… there you have it. I am doing something fruitful with my life. Each and every one of us is different in our own unique way. We all have battles and struggles in life in which we deal with entirely differently from one another. This is my life and these are my goals and I am making excellent progress. Never put another person down to make yourself feel better. You will never fully be happy if you continue to live your life this way.
Have a lovely Sunday evening! I look forward to writing my next blog post for you. 🙂