A Smile does not mean you are happy

I have not yet posted a blog this week and I have had a few people asking me how my appointment went last week and to write a blog soon – so here I am.

Yes, my appointment went well. It consisted mainly of trying to combat my perpetual negative thoughts. I hope that in time these decrease or eventually fade away. It’s very tiring going through day-to-day life constantly thinking the worst of everything and enduring horrible thoughts throughout the majority of my day. The lady that I had the appointment with is such a great listener and extremely understanding. I find it difficult to open up, in person, and speak to someone about my feelings and thoughts. She is very patient with me and tries her best to understand. It actually feels good to get some things off my chest and to hear what someone else thinks sometimes. Writing will always be my desired way of expressing myself though.

Recently, I have been pushing myself to go to the gym as much as possible. I have an exceptionally supportive friend who comes along with me, Megan. We were friends at school and never really kept in touch once we had left. Once Megan had read my blogs and discovered that I had not been keeping very well and was not myself; she immediately messaged me and offered to come along. I’m highly grateful that she did because if it wasn’t for her- I would still be spending the majority of my days in my bedroom. Every day, she texts me and encourages me. She always acknowledges the effort I put in and continuously motivates me to continue going and making progress. Today I went to the gym and I spent roughly 4/5 hours there working out. I had no rest or nothing to eat beforehand (which I understand, fully, that this isn’t good for you). However, my main reason for attending the gym is not for my physical health – it is for my mental health. I know that may sound crazy however I am so used to spending my time in my bedroom, alone, with all of these overpowering negative thoughts and worries. Visiting the gym,working up a sweat and totally losing myself into this zone that I can’t explain is working absolutely wonders for me. It’s a struggle to get there for me. I want to stay at home and be on my own and not face the world. It’s a push. It’s a big step for me. But once the day is done, I am so proud of myself, and I feel like I have accomplished something.

I want to post a photo at the end of this blog of me smiling. My main reason is because on one of my previous blogs I received a comment from someone asking how I can possibly smile when I am suffering from depression? A smile can hide everything. The prettiest smiles hide the deepest secrets, the prettiest eyes have cried the most tears and the kindest hearts have felt the most pain. A smile does not mean you are happy on the inside. A smile does not define how someone feels. Personally, I believe that if you want to know how someone feels, their eyes will tell you the truth – if you look deep enough.

There wasn’t much else I wanted to write about tonight as it’s been a long day for me and I feel rather drained. I will try and make sure I am making my blogs more regular (as that was one of my main goals for 2016.)

I hope you all have a pleasant Thursday night and a great weekend!


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