It is impossible in this life to keep everyone that is important to you happy. It’s tough. It’s hard, sometimes, to explain to someone the reason why you do things. How can you justify it when it is all in your head?
This blog is a late night rigmarole that may – or may not – make sense to you. However, I express myself best through words so I’m going to try and get all of the thoughts on to the screen in front of me in the hope that it takes away all the tension I’ve been feeling.
Procrastination. Beating around the bush; I’m the worst for it. I never want to say ‘no’ or be candid with someone incase I find myself disappointing them. So I prolong it, I work myself up about it, and inevitably I let them down. I stress more. I beat myself up about it. But, I’m only doing what I think is right for me? I’m going with my gut, right? I can’t explain it. I use this term a lot in my blogging but it is a vicious circle. It’s a reoccurance in many of situations in my life. I’m predictable. I know I’m in the wrong. I don’t know why I can’t just be honest upfront, or speak my mind and say what I feel, instead of delaying the unavoidable truth. I must really begin to agitate people. Do I ruffle one’s feathers too much to the point that one day that I might push them away? That’s my biggest worry.
It is almost impossible to try and explain what I am trying to say or what the purpose of this blog is all about. I don’t think there actually was a purpose. I guess, since my boyfriend is currently sleeping (and it’s late), that I just wanted someone to listen. Perhaps maybe someone else out there likes to go on a incoherent rampage when they’re feeling low or confused in the hope that another person out there might just do, or feel, the same. I don’t know. It’s just a thought…