nothing of importance insomnia easter weekend update blogger blogspot

Nothing of Importance

Good Afternoon!

I have still been struggling to sleep recently and I am feeling rather ‘down in the dumps’.  So I shall make this blog post short and sweet; I just wanted to make sure that I continue to blog at least once a week as that is very crucial to me.

My friend and I attended a concert (or a rave, if you would prefer to call it that). We went to see ‘Armin Van Buuren’ which is trance music and it was phenomenal. The concert was at the 02 Academy in Glasgow which was a great venue but the drinks were rather extortionate. I had never been there before (nor have I been to many concerts) so I was a bit dubious about it however it was an excellent night and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Lozza (my friend) and I danced like there was no tomorrow – not only did we hear the music all night long but we felt it. You could feel the music through your body. It was an indescribable feeling.

What did you get up to over the Easter period? I never done anything out of the ordinary. My boyfriend never had a long weekend so we could not do anything together as he had to go to work. I spent the day at Lozza’s yesterday helping her with some college work that she had to do. Afterwards we went for a walk in the sunshine as it was a stunning day yesterday! I haven’t been to the gym in 5 days. I do not know what is wrong with me. It is plausible that I am letting myself fall out of that routine and trying to crawl back into my comfort zone – I need to try and not let myself do this. Although I haven’t been making an appearance at the gym lately, I have still been doing exercises in the comfort of my own home. I do feel as though I do not push myself as much when I’m exercising in the house however at least I am doing something productive. It is better than nothing.

There really was not much I wanted to write about in this blog post – I just wanted to make sure that I am maintaining my blog as much as possible. I took a book out from the library today that helps people with insomnia and helps individuals who struggle to get to sleep so I am going to go and relax and begin reading that. Perhaps there will be something significant in this book that jumps out at me and might just be what I am needing to hear.

As always, I will leave my details at the bottom of this post. I would love for you to drop me some sort of message to suggest things for me to write about or even just for a chat so I can hear your views or thoughts on certain subjects that I write about.

email: charlenemcelhinney@icloud.com
twitter: @mcelhinneyxx @blogabtnothing1
Instagram: charlenemcelhinney

Uncategorized

The Past Week

Good Afternoon. It has been one whole week since my last blog post. It is becoming a regular occurrence that I blog once a week; I definitely want to try and get back into the habit of posting a blog several times throughout the week.

Last week, I was in a shop with my friend at my local Town Centre. The lady that was serving me said, “I don’t want to sound weird or anything but can I ask: Are you the girl that writes the blog posts?”. This absolutely made my day (I felt slightly famous for a moment). I can not believe that someone recognized me purely from my writing and actually took the time to ask if I was the girl that she was thinking of. It really made me feel good inside.
I want to touch on a few things and just give you an update on what I’ve been up to over the past week. Furthermore, I want to touch on the way I’ve been feeling lately and go in to a bit of depth about that. Last Friday, I went to my friend Michelle’s (the lady I have previously blogged about that has done my nails and make up on many occasions) to get my hair done. We decided to go a bit lighter with my hair this time and so I have took a few pictures to share with you – she curled my hair for me too before I left which was really kind of her. Yesterday was my Mum’s birthday; for the first time ever we decided to do something together (just the two of us) to celebrate it. We decided to go to the bingo and have some lunch there during the half time break in between the games. On the very first game,  my mum won two lines, £15. Birthday luck, eh? Gala Bingo were also very generous, as it was her birthday, they gave her a gift of a box of chocolates and a free main event for the next time she comes. My mum was just so glad and grateful to be spending quality time with me; It is something that we do not do often enough. I thoroughly enjoyed my day with her and I know my mother enjoyed it too as she rhapsodized about it all night long. It was lovely to see her so happy!
As I mentioned earlier, I want to talk about how I have been feeling lately, I have been feeling really down – most days. I guess with having Depression, it is inevitable that you are going to have really ‘down days’, however I just feel like it’s constant at the moment. It’s the moment I wake up; It’s the moment I go to bed. I do believe that I am handling it a lot better than I did before. Previously, I would go days (weeks) on end without leaving my house – barely leaving my bedroom. I would try and suppress myself from talking about it or admitting that I was not okay. At least now I can take comfort in the fact that I can blog, or I can talk, to someone. I can also go to the gym with my friend and try and occupy my mind for a short while. I can try and overcome and obliterate the feelings all I want but they will always be there. I guess I just need to accept it and do my best to beat it. I was asking myself this ‘Does Depression ever really go away?’. I wonder. Is it something that will always be there, deep down, and it’s just about how you handle it and how you fight it? Or will I eventually be free of it? I don’t know. I guess all you can ever do is try. I am trying so damn hard to get back to the girl I used to be and I am determined to get there. I believe securing myself a place for College will be very beneficial for me and will help me feel a sense of ‘normality’ again. I also believe it is vital that you surround yourself with the correct people as they will have a massive impact on your progress. I have found that out over the past year. Recently, I have been having dreadful nightmares whilst I sleep, thus preventing me from wanting to sleep. I feel myself lying awake for hours, with lots of thoughts running through my head, and I just can’t manage to drift off. It really is horrible – especially when you are physically and mentally tired and something is stopping you from getting the rest that you need. It is what it is.
I want to finish my blog post on a positive note; today I was talking to a very sweet lady who told me that she really enjoys reading my blog posts and that I always get the message across. She told me how often we find ourselves not being able to say what we feel – or what we want to say – and she admires that I am able to do that in my blog posts. It made me smile. I find it very heartening and truly great when people give me positive feedback on my blog posts – It means so much to me!
I hope you have all had a pleasant week so far!

charlenemcelhinney@icloud.com
twitter: @blogabtnothing1 @mcelhinneyxx
Instagram: charlenemcelhinney

  

Uncategorized

Wednesday!

It’s Wednesday and this is my first blog of the week; I have to admit I’ve been slacking quite a bit recently. My blogs have been becoming less and less regular. Although I have been making excellent progress recently – I still have bad days – and sometimes I just can’t bring myself to admit it. I try and suppress myself from feeling down and this results in me feeling even worse. I guess I just fear that one day I will go back to my lowest point. I don’t want that. I try and fight it every day.

I want to try and talk positively in this post and share with you the fruitful and wonderful things that I have been doing. I am going to start by sharing a photograph of me in a pair of shorts and a sport bra. The reason why I want to do this is because I have been reading loads of things on social media recently about body positivity, what is acceptable for social media, feminism etc. There are a range of topics in which I would like to talk in depth about but for now I will explain why I, personally, wanted to share this photo: I began the gym some months ago as I was suffering from Depression and Anxiety and I really struggled to leave my bedroom most days (it was dreadful). I had been working with professionals to try and talk about what is on my mind and to try and get me more active (which I still am). I was also put on anti-depressants which I am still currently on. There are a number of things that can be offered to someone who is suffering with a mental health issue. The support is there in abundance nowadays – which I am extremely grateful for. I was coaxed into starting the gym and I began going with my friend every so often. I stopped going for a while because I began to feel really anxious and worried but I just decided one day that I had as much right to be there as everyone else. My main reason for starting the gym was purely to get me out of my house; I didn’t think it would be as beneficial for me as it has been. I love going to the gym now. I guess you could say it’s part of my routine! Exercise is a marvelous thing, not only for the physical aspect, but it is wondrous for your mental health. I am well aware that not one individual is the same but I could not recommend going to the gym enough for anyone who suffer from Depression (or just generally has days were they feel low). It puts you in a mind frame that is just unexplainable; it helps take your mind off things – if even just for a little while. And, most importantly, when you leave the gym – you feel as though you have accomplished something. You feel that little bit better about yourself. Since starting the gym, I have been exercising rather frequently. My friends, and boyfriend, have been stating that they can see a massive difference in me and that I am starting to ‘tone up’ and ‘build muscle’ and things along those lines. I personally could not see any difference in myself. I think other people perhaps notice the difference before you notice yourself. One of the PT’s at the gym took my measurements 4-5 weeks ago. Yesterday, when the PT measured me again he told me that I’d lost 5 inches off my hips in those weeks. I was surprised! I felt like I had done something really propitious and good for myself. After the gym, I decided to take these pictures of myself because why not? I had made progress – I had worked hard and achieved something for myself – I had done great. For once, I thought I would give myself a pat on the back. It is very seldom that I ever do this. Usually I omit any sort of recognition or acknowledgement for myself but I think now I want to start giving myself just that. The photo that I am sharing on this blog is purely me trying to boost my confidence and share my progress with you all.

The second accomplishment I want to share with you all is that today I had my first ever win at the bingo. I won £10. I wasn’t even planning on going to the bingo today however I found a free main event ticket in my purse and I didn’t want it to go to waste. I had nobody to go with me so I pushed myself to go, on my own, and I won. I wouldn’t normally go on my own but I am glad I did; I got something for nothing. Imagine, my first time winning and I’m all by myself with nobody to share my moment with me, the irony. I was so embarrassed though when I won, I noticed I had won a line and I shouted “right” in my soft little voice. Suddenly I noticed people’s eyes fixated on me and I could feel my face and cheeks burning – I was sitting, aloof, in a little chair up the front of the hall. I had not expected to win – at all. It just goes to show you, you need to be in it to win it! It was a great feeling, mind you, getting a win at the bingo. I was just nervous because I was on my own! I was so proud of myself for going.

I need to try and continue blogging as much as possible – even on my down days. I have found myself falling away from my journal entries too which is not good. I have wrote journal entries ever since I was in Primary 6 at school; It is a vital part of my life.  I need to get back into it.

Anyway, I shall write another post throughout the week. That’s all for today.

“Stay positive – even when it feels like your life is falling apart.”

charlenemcelhinney@icloud.com
twitter: @blogabtnothing1 @mcelhinneyxx
Instagram: charlenemcelhinney

Simple things in life wonderful beautiful bus journey public transport

The Simple Things in Life




I am writing this blog post from my mobile phone as something occurred today that gave me a sudden urge to write. It was something that may seem ordinary and common; but to me it was absolutely captivating. 


I paid my fare to get on the bus and I took a seat. As always, I habitually put in my headphones and began blaring music through my ears as I gazed out of the window. That’s normal nowadays. It’s very seldom in this day and age that you see passengers – people – talking to one another and engaging in conversation with people they do not know. We all seem to keep ourselves to ourselves. It may be the case that one is zoned out on their phone – scrolling through social media and the like; or simply listening to music and minding their own business. I very rarely see any communication on public transport nowadays (and even just in public in general). Today, I was riveted by these 3 passengers in particular who evidently did not know one another but spoke as though they had known each other for years. It was wondrous. One lady was very frail, elderly and reserved; another was probably in her 60’s and seemed polite, friendly and chatty; the other lady was in her 50’s (I reckon) and seemed pleasant. These three ladies began their journey in silence – like myself. Then all of a sudden one lady spoke to the other about the weather, and another lady interjected to speak about the bus fares etc and suddenly these three ladies engaged in a conversation which totally intrigued me. It was such basic things they were speaking of and yet I was astounded. I took out my earphones just to listen to the beauty of their conversation (I wasn’t eavesdropping – I swear – I was just truly mesmerised by their words). Nowadays, on public transport, it is very seldom that we witness strangers talking to one another. I, for one, usually listen to my music. I am surrounded by other individuals who are totally zoned out on their phones and other technology. It is taking over the world. I know technology is an extremely wonderful thing but it was just nice to stop for a moment today and appreciate the most simplest of things in life – people. I took out my headphones and I just listened to the pure conversation that flowed from these ladies mouths, talking as though they had known one another for a life time. It really was magnificent and definitely worth writing about. 

I purchased this little notebook today as it caught my eye in Home Bargains. It cost me 99p and I plan on carrying it in my handbag so that if anything happens in my daily life, such as today, that may seem insignificant – I can note it down and write about it at a later date. These sort of things are what make life so beautiful. 
charlenemcelhinney@icloud.com
Twitter: @mcelhinneyxx @blogabtnothing1
Instagram: charlenemcelhinney

catch up bargains anniversary city of Glasgow college course blog new depression anxiety

Catch Up

I haven’t wrote a blog post in over a week (which is very peculiar of me). I have lots of things that I want to share with you though so I have a lot of catching up to do!

Firstly, I want so share some good news with you – for a change. I have been given a definite offer to begin a college course this September 2016 at the City of Glasgow College. The course is in the Creative Industries and is titled ‘Professional Writing Skills’. I had to submit a personal statement, a ‘folio’ of some of my pieces of writing and I also had to have certain qualifications (which I had fortunately already achieved at High School). I had built myself up for ages at my appointments with professionals – continuously asking them if they felt I was ready and if I was good enough etc. One day, by my own accord, I decided to apply. I did not think for one moment that I would even be considered for an interview as I had heard that hundreds of people had already applied to this course. However I was proved wrong when I received an e-mail telling me to attend an interview. Again, I went to the interview without any high hopes or intentions; I just went and stayed as true to myself as I possibly could and was as honest as I could be with them. After the interview, I was not feeling optimistic. Again, I was proved wrong. I was secured a definite place so I must have done something right. I believe this college course will be a revitalizing and wonderful opportunity for me. It will allow me to try and gain some normality and confidence back. I am still not 100% yet – even the professionals have told me this – but I am not letting Depression and Anxiety hold me back any longer than it already has. It’s time to grab the bull by the horns and enlighten myself what it’s like to feel a little bit normal again – to blend in – to be myself.

On Saturday the 5th of March, it was the One Year Anniversary of my Gran McElhinney’s death, it was a truly difficult and heartbreaking day. I shed many tears and my heart felt so empty and broken. I could not accept or fathom the fact that I had not seen this special lady, physically, in my life for one whole year. Sometimes though, a good cry is what you need; sometimes you just need to let it all out. I know, for sure, that my Gran watches over me and guides me. I know that whatever I do – she will be exceedingly proud of me. I have visited her and my Papa’s grave twice this week. In doing so, it brings me comfort, I feel close to each of them when I am there. I know that my Gran sees me there. I know she appreciates it. I just feel such a profound emptiness inside that I know will never be replaced and it is inconsolable. I will never stop writing about my Gran, loving her, missing her or thinking of her. She will be my Guardian Angel and my motivation throughout my entire life – my eternal inspiration.

Recently, I’ve been trying to go out on dates with my boyfriend. I find this extremely difficult to do and I can’t explain why. We have been together for well over a year and it’s just something we have never done. It is something I have always wanted to do though. We spend a prodigious, huge, amount of time together and yet we have never went out to public places with one another – until now. In the past two weeks, I have pushed myself right out of my comfort zone, and we have went out for something to eat. Twice! I am immensely proud of myself for doing this and I want to continue doing so. He has always been so understanding and patient with me and is always happy to do whatever I am comfortable doing – which I am extremely grateful for. I know it’s normal for couples to go out and do things together though so I want to start doing the same. I want to try and come out of this ‘bubble’ that I have found myself in (or created for myself, rather).

I think getting into college and pushing myself to go out and do more things are my two biggest accomplishments this year. To think, not long ago, I could barely bring myself to leave my bedroom. I would never have attended the gym, I would never have went out in public for a meal with my boyfriend and I most definitely would not have put myself forward for any sort of course. I am making such wonderful progress – with the help of some truly remarkable individuals who have done nothing but encourage me and support me for months…years. 

I want to wrap this blog post up here as I have a few things to do tonight and I just want to chill. I will finish this off with another bargain I found on http://www.everythingfivepounds.com. It is an amazing website, guys, you should definitely check it out at some point. Yes, this strappy black figure hugging jumpsuit only cost me 5 pounds. Feel free to browse through some of my other blog posts if you are interested in bargains (as I am constantly sharing bargains in my posts). I will continue to do so!

That’s all for now! 🙂

charlenemcelhinney@icloud.com
Twitter: @mcelhinneyxx @blogabtnothing1
Instagram: charlenemcelhinney

deep thoughts Tuesday unwell gran year anniversary depression anxiety help gym fitness

Deep…

It’s Tuesday afternoon and I am in my bedroom feeling rather poorly. I think I am coming down with a cold as my throat is dry and rather sore and my head is banging. However my mind has been in the zone today; I’ve been doing lots of thinking and so I felt a lengthy, detailed, blog post was in order.

There are a few things I want to touch on in this post. I’d like to start by sharing a photo with you of 4 different items of clothing that were delivered to me this morning: all of which cost me £5. There is a stunning blue, cross backed, dress which is very figure hugging and super comfy; A short bodycon red and black tartan dress;  A black cropped crotchet top which is absolutely beautiful and unique and lastly, a pink and black checkered casual shirt which is very comfortable. I will share a photo below of me ‘modelling’ these items for you (as I know many of you love reading about my bargains).


Secondly, I want to speak about something – someone – very close to my heart. This weekend, on Saturday, it will be one year since my incredible Gran McElhinney passed away. One whole year. I still feel so empty inside, I still miss her daily and think of her constantly, she will always be close to my heart. I just wanted to mention something: Time is not a great healer. Maybe for some, but not for me. I long for her presence every day and not a day goes by where I wouldn’t give anything to spend one more precious day with her. She truly is my angel. My inspiration. I still can not grasp the fact that she is gone. I have tried to remain strong this past year (for the sake of my parents) but at times I can not hold myself together. It has been a massive loss to our family and nothing will ever be the same. We have inserted a message in memory of her in the local paper of her hometown as she was such a notorious and well-liked lady. I hope that everyone who reads it remembers my Gran for the glamorous, hilarious and exhilarating lady that she always was. I love you, eternally, my heavenly angel. One year… I can’t believe it.

Today I decided to have a clear out on my social media page. I have only eliminated a few people from my friend list so far however once I am finished blogging I plan on continuing the process of obliterating those from my life who really are not worthy. I have noticed that many people only have me on their ‘friend list’ purely just to criticise me and/or to be nosey. That’s fine. I don’t mind people reading my blogs and making judgement however I do not feel the need to have those kind of people as ‘friends’ on my social media page. If I wouldn’t call them a friend in real life; then why on Facebook? I definitely think a clear out is in order and I shall do that at some point tonight. I have only removed a few people so far and it’s such a wonderful and relieving feeling.

I want to talk about a subject in which I haven’t brought up in a while: My Depression and Anxiety. I stopped writing blog posts about it because I was worried about what people were thinking of me. I received a few nasty comments from some heartless people (which I will not go in to in detail as I have previously responded to these comments in a separate post) and it set me back a momentarily. Recently, I believe I have been making great progress and you know what? I am exceptionally proud of myself. I would never have thought this time last year that I would be doing some of the things that I am. I still regularly go to appointments – weekly – to talk, to open up, to allow myself to vent and ‘let go’ for a while. These professionals have worked wonders with me. There is one lady in particular who has enabled me to make such wonderful progress; the way she listens, the way she supports and encourages me, it is out of this world. I look forward to my appointments every week as I know they are helping me – slowly but surely. I am still on medication (and the doctor put my dose up a bit) and it is something that I would never want to become reliant on. I wanted to beat Depression and Anxiety without the help of medication but I just couldn’t. Sometimes you need to accept help. Once I feel ready, I will gradually come off them. I have a long way to go. I know that I am not 100% myself yet but I have every faith that I will get there one day. I can not wait to feel like myself again. I want to briefly mention that the gym is such an amazing thing for people who are suffering from Depression. I never, in one million years, would have went if I wasn’t coaxed, well, pushed into it. I did not want to go at first but I am so bloody glad I did. I revel in my regular gym sessions. They keep me going, they keep my spirits up and if I’m having a bad day – instead of locking myself in my bedroom and staring at 4 walls all day (the way I used to for months and months) I go to the gym and I work up a sweat and I feel so much better for it. I can’t explain it. Exercise is a glorious thing for both mental and physical health. I also think it is important that you surround yourself with the correct people; that is vital. There is so much that I want to share with you all but I will do so in another blog post as I have a few more things I want to mention before I wrap this post up.

Something I struggle to do is to say ‘no’ to people. Does anyone else have that? Someone asks you a favour, or asks you to do something, and you just can not bring yourself to say no (even though your head is telling you that ultimately, inevitably, you are going to let someone down – your heart just fails to say ‘no’). I wondered if anyone has any advice for me? I love giving other people advice, and I know what I would say if it were someone else in my position, but sometimes it’s just nice to hear another person’s perspective.

Another thing I just want to say before I go is that time is so damn precious. I’ve only recently started to realise this. Time is something that you can never get back. Time is the most valuable and irreplaceable thing in this world. Be wise on who you wish to spend your time with – do what is right for you – do what makes YOU happy.

“Don’t ever feel bad for making a decision about your own life that upsets other people. You are not responsible for their happiness. You’re responsible for your own happiness. Anyone who wants you to live in misery for their happiness should not be in your life to begin with.”

charlenemcelhinney@icloud.com
Twitter: @blogabtnothing1 @mcelhinneyxx
Instagram: charlenemcelhinney