deep thoughts Tuesday unwell gran year anniversary depression anxiety help gym fitness

Deep…

It’s Tuesday afternoon and I am in my bedroom feeling rather poorly. I think I am coming down with a cold as my throat is dry and rather sore and my head is banging. However my mind has been in the zone today; I’ve been doing lots of thinking and so I felt a lengthy, detailed, blog post was in order.

There are a few things I want to touch on in this post. I’d like to start by sharing a photo with you of 4 different items of clothing that were delivered to me this morning: all of which cost me £5. There is a stunning blue, cross backed, dress which is very figure hugging and super comfy; A short bodycon red and black tartan dress;  A black cropped crotchet top which is absolutely beautiful and unique and lastly, a pink and black checkered casual shirt which is very comfortable. I will share a photo below of me ‘modelling’ these items for you (as I know many of you love reading about my bargains).


Secondly, I want to speak about something – someone – very close to my heart. This weekend, on Saturday, it will be one year since my incredible Gran McElhinney passed away. One whole year. I still feel so empty inside, I still miss her daily and think of her constantly, she will always be close to my heart. I just wanted to mention something: Time is not a great healer. Maybe for some, but not for me. I long for her presence every day and not a day goes by where I wouldn’t give anything to spend one more precious day with her. She truly is my angel. My inspiration. I still can not grasp the fact that she is gone. I have tried to remain strong this past year (for the sake of my parents) but at times I can not hold myself together. It has been a massive loss to our family and nothing will ever be the same. We have inserted a message in memory of her in the local paper of her hometown as she was such a notorious and well-liked lady. I hope that everyone who reads it remembers my Gran for the glamorous, hilarious and exhilarating lady that she always was. I love you, eternally, my heavenly angel. One year… I can’t believe it.

Today I decided to have a clear out on my social media page. I have only eliminated a few people from my friend list so far however once I am finished blogging I plan on continuing the process of obliterating those from my life who really are not worthy. I have noticed that many people only have me on their ‘friend list’ purely just to criticise me and/or to be nosey. That’s fine. I don’t mind people reading my blogs and making judgement however I do not feel the need to have those kind of people as ‘friends’ on my social media page. If I wouldn’t call them a friend in real life; then why on Facebook? I definitely think a clear out is in order and I shall do that at some point tonight. I have only removed a few people so far and it’s such a wonderful and relieving feeling.

I want to talk about a subject in which I haven’t brought up in a while: My Depression and Anxiety. I stopped writing blog posts about it because I was worried about what people were thinking of me. I received a few nasty comments from some heartless people (which I will not go in to in detail as I have previously responded to these comments in a separate post) and it set me back a momentarily. Recently, I believe I have been making great progress and you know what? I am exceptionally proud of myself. I would never have thought this time last year that I would be doing some of the things that I am. I still regularly go to appointments – weekly – to talk, to open up, to allow myself to vent and ‘let go’ for a while. These professionals have worked wonders with me. There is one lady in particular who has enabled me to make such wonderful progress; the way she listens, the way she supports and encourages me, it is out of this world. I look forward to my appointments every week as I know they are helping me – slowly but surely. I am still on medication (and the doctor put my dose up a bit) and it is something that I would never want to become reliant on. I wanted to beat Depression and Anxiety without the help of medication but I just couldn’t. Sometimes you need to accept help. Once I feel ready, I will gradually come off them. I have a long way to go. I know that I am not 100% myself yet but I have every faith that I will get there one day. I can not wait to feel like myself again. I want to briefly mention that the gym is such an amazing thing for people who are suffering from Depression. I never, in one million years, would have went if I wasn’t coaxed, well, pushed into it. I did not want to go at first but I am so bloody glad I did. I revel in my regular gym sessions. They keep me going, they keep my spirits up and if I’m having a bad day – instead of locking myself in my bedroom and staring at 4 walls all day (the way I used to for months and months) I go to the gym and I work up a sweat and I feel so much better for it. I can’t explain it. Exercise is a glorious thing for both mental and physical health. I also think it is important that you surround yourself with the correct people; that is vital. There is so much that I want to share with you all but I will do so in another blog post as I have a few more things I want to mention before I wrap this post up.

Something I struggle to do is to say ‘no’ to people. Does anyone else have that? Someone asks you a favour, or asks you to do something, and you just can not bring yourself to say no (even though your head is telling you that ultimately, inevitably, you are going to let someone down – your heart just fails to say ‘no’). I wondered if anyone has any advice for me? I love giving other people advice, and I know what I would say if it were someone else in my position, but sometimes it’s just nice to hear another person’s perspective.

Another thing I just want to say before I go is that time is so damn precious. I’ve only recently started to realise this. Time is something that you can never get back. Time is the most valuable and irreplaceable thing in this world. Be wise on who you wish to spend your time with – do what is right for you – do what makes YOU happy.

“Don’t ever feel bad for making a decision about your own life that upsets other people. You are not responsible for their happiness. You’re responsible for your own happiness. Anyone who wants you to live in misery for their happiness should not be in your life to begin with.”

charlenemcelhinney@icloud.com
Twitter: @blogabtnothing1 @mcelhinneyxx
Instagram: charlenemcelhinney

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