I haven’t wrote a blog post in over a week (which is very peculiar of me). I have lots of things that I want to share with you though so I have a lot of catching up to do!
Firstly, I want so share some good news with you – for a change. I have been given a definite offer to begin a college course this September 2016 at the City of Glasgow College. The course is in the Creative Industries and is titled ‘Professional Writing Skills’. I had to submit a personal statement, a ‘folio’ of some of my pieces of writing and I also had to have certain qualifications (which I had fortunately already achieved at High School). I had built myself up for ages at my appointments with professionals – continuously asking them if they felt I was ready and if I was good enough etc. One day, by my own accord, I decided to apply. I did not think for one moment that I would even be considered for an interview as I had heard that hundreds of people had already applied to this course. However I was proved wrong when I received an e-mail telling me to attend an interview. Again, I went to the interview without any high hopes or intentions; I just went and stayed as true to myself as I possibly could and was as honest as I could be with them. After the interview, I was not feeling optimistic. Again, I was proved wrong. I was secured a definite place so I must have done something right. I believe this college course will be a revitalizing and wonderful opportunity for me. It will allow me to try and gain some normality and confidence back. I am still not 100% yet – even the professionals have told me this – but I am not letting Depression and Anxiety hold me back any longer than it already has. It’s time to grab the bull by the horns and enlighten myself what it’s like to feel a little bit normal again – to blend in – to be myself.
On Saturday the 5th of March, it was the One Year Anniversary of my Gran McElhinney’s death, it was a truly difficult and heartbreaking day. I shed many tears and my heart felt so empty and broken. I could not accept or fathom the fact that I had not seen this special lady, physically, in my life for one whole year. Sometimes though, a good cry is what you need; sometimes you just need to let it all out. I know, for sure, that my Gran watches over me and guides me. I know that whatever I do – she will be exceedingly proud of me. I have visited her and my Papa’s grave twice this week. In doing so, it brings me comfort, I feel close to each of them when I am there. I know that my Gran sees me there. I know she appreciates it. I just feel such a profound emptiness inside that I know will never be replaced and it is inconsolable. I will never stop writing about my Gran, loving her, missing her or thinking of her. She will be my Guardian Angel and my motivation throughout my entire life – my eternal inspiration.
Recently, I’ve been trying to go out on dates with my boyfriend. I find this extremely difficult to do and I can’t explain why. We have been together for well over a year and it’s just something we have never done. It is something I have always wanted to do though. We spend a prodigious, huge, amount of time together and yet we have never went out to public places with one another – until now. In the past two weeks, I have pushed myself right out of my comfort zone, and we have went out for something to eat. Twice! I am immensely proud of myself for doing this and I want to continue doing so. He has always been so understanding and patient with me and is always happy to do whatever I am comfortable doing – which I am extremely grateful for. I know it’s normal for couples to go out and do things together though so I want to start doing the same. I want to try and come out of this ‘bubble’ that I have found myself in (or created for myself, rather).
I think getting into college and pushing myself to go out and do more things are my two biggest accomplishments this year. To think, not long ago, I could barely bring myself to leave my bedroom. I would never have attended the gym, I would never have went out in public for a meal with my boyfriend and I most definitely would not have put myself forward for any sort of course. I am making such wonderful progress – with the help of some truly remarkable individuals who have done nothing but encourage me and support me for months…years.
I want to wrap this blog post up here as I have a few things to do tonight and I just want to chill. I will finish this off with another bargain I found on http://www.everythingfivepounds.com. It is an amazing website, guys, you should definitely check it out at some point. Yes, this strappy black figure hugging jumpsuit only cost me 5 pounds. Feel free to browse through some of my other blog posts if you are interested in bargains (as I am constantly sharing bargains in my posts). I will continue to do so!
That’s all for now! 🙂
Twitter: @mcelhinneyxx @blogabtnothing1