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Wednesday!

It’s Wednesday and this is my first blog of the week; I have to admit I’ve been slacking quite a bit recently. My blogs have been becoming less and less regular. Although I have been making excellent progress recently – I still have bad days – and sometimes I just can’t bring myself to admit it. I try and suppress myself from feeling down and this results in me feeling even worse. I guess I just fear that one day I will go back to my lowest point. I don’t want that. I try and fight it every day.

I want to try and talk positively in this post and share with you the fruitful and wonderful things that I have been doing. I am going to start by sharing a photograph of me in a pair of shorts and a sport bra. The reason why I want to do this is because I have been reading loads of things on social media recently about body positivity, what is acceptable for social media, feminism etc. There are a range of topics in which I would like to talk in depth about but for now I will explain why I, personally, wanted to share this photo: I began the gym some months ago as I was suffering from Depression and Anxiety and I really struggled to leave my bedroom most days (it was dreadful). I had been working with professionals to try and talk about what is on my mind and to try and get me more active (which I still am). I was also put on anti-depressants which I am still currently on. There are a number of things that can be offered to someone who is suffering with a mental health issue. The support is there in abundance nowadays – which I am extremely grateful for. I was coaxed into starting the gym and I began going with my friend every so often. I stopped going for a while because I began to feel really anxious and worried but I just decided one day that I had as much right to be there as everyone else. My main reason for starting the gym was purely to get me out of my house; I didn’t think it would be as beneficial for me as it has been. I love going to the gym now. I guess you could say it’s part of my routine! Exercise is a marvelous thing, not only for the physical aspect, but it is wondrous for your mental health. I am well aware that not one individual is the same but I could not recommend going to the gym enough for anyone who suffer from Depression (or just generally has days were they feel low). It puts you in a mind frame that is just unexplainable; it helps take your mind off things – if even just for a little while. And, most importantly, when you leave the gym – you feel as though you have accomplished something. You feel that little bit better about yourself. Since starting the gym, I have been exercising rather frequently. My friends, and boyfriend, have been stating that they can see a massive difference in me and that I am starting to ‘tone up’ and ‘build muscle’ and things along those lines. I personally could not see any difference in myself. I think other people perhaps notice the difference before you notice yourself. One of the PT’s at the gym took my measurements 4-5 weeks ago. Yesterday, when the PT measured me again he told me that I’d lost 5 inches off my hips in those weeks. I was surprised! I felt like I had done something really propitious and good for myself. After the gym, I decided to take these pictures of myself because why not? I had made progress – I had worked hard and achieved something for myself – I had done great. For once, I thought I would give myself a pat on the back. It is very seldom that I ever do this. Usually I omit any sort of recognition or acknowledgement for myself but I think now I want to start giving myself just that. The photo that I am sharing on this blog is purely me trying to boost my confidence and share my progress with you all.

The second accomplishment I want to share with you all is that today I had my first ever win at the bingo. I won £10. I wasn’t even planning on going to the bingo today however I found a free main event ticket in my purse and I didn’t want it to go to waste. I had nobody to go with me so I pushed myself to go, on my own, and I won. I wouldn’t normally go on my own but I am glad I did; I got something for nothing. Imagine, my first time winning and I’m all by myself with nobody to share my moment with me, the irony. I was so embarrassed though when I won, I noticed I had won a line and I shouted “right” in my soft little voice. Suddenly I noticed people’s eyes fixated on me and I could feel my face and cheeks burning – I was sitting, aloof, in a little chair up the front of the hall. I had not expected to win – at all. It just goes to show you, you need to be in it to win it! It was a great feeling, mind you, getting a win at the bingo. I was just nervous because I was on my own! I was so proud of myself for going.

I need to try and continue blogging as much as possible – even on my down days. I have found myself falling away from my journal entries too which is not good. I have wrote journal entries ever since I was in Primary 6 at school; It is a vital part of my life.  I need to get back into it.

Anyway, I shall write another post throughout the week. That’s all for today.

“Stay positive – even when it feels like your life is falling apart.”

charlenemcelhinney@icloud.com
twitter: @blogabtnothing1 @mcelhinneyxx
Instagram: charlenemcelhinney

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