Good Afternoon. It has been one whole week since my last blog post. It is becoming a regular occurrence that I blog once a week; I definitely want to try and get back into the habit of posting a blog several times throughout the week.
Last week, I was in a shop with my friend at my local Town Centre. The lady that was serving me said, “I don’t want to sound weird or anything but can I ask: Are you the girl that writes the blog posts?”. This absolutely made my day (I felt slightly famous for a moment). I can not believe that someone recognized me purely from my writing and actually took the time to ask if I was the girl that she was thinking of. It really made me feel good inside.
I want to touch on a few things and just give you an update on what I’ve been up to over the past week. Furthermore, I want to touch on the way I’ve been feeling lately and go in to a bit of depth about that. Last Friday, I went to my friend Michelle’s (the lady I have previously blogged about that has done my nails and make up on many occasions) to get my hair done. We decided to go a bit lighter with my hair this time and so I have took a few pictures to share with you – she curled my hair for me too before I left which was really kind of her. Yesterday was my Mum’s birthday; for the first time ever we decided to do something together (just the two of us) to celebrate it. We decided to go to the bingo and have some lunch there during the half time break in between the games. On the very first game, my mum won two lines, £15. Birthday luck, eh? Gala Bingo were also very generous, as it was her birthday, they gave her a gift of a box of chocolates and a free main event for the next time she comes. My mum was just so glad and grateful to be spending quality time with me; It is something that we do not do often enough. I thoroughly enjoyed my day with her and I know my mother enjoyed it too as she rhapsodized about it all night long. It was lovely to see her so happy!
As I mentioned earlier, I want to talk about how I have been feeling lately, I have been feeling really down – most days. I guess with having Depression, it is inevitable that you are going to have really ‘down days’, however I just feel like it’s constant at the moment. It’s the moment I wake up; It’s the moment I go to bed. I do believe that I am handling it a lot better than I did before. Previously, I would go days (weeks) on end without leaving my house – barely leaving my bedroom. I would try and suppress myself from talking about it or admitting that I was not okay. At least now I can take comfort in the fact that I can blog, or I can talk, to someone. I can also go to the gym with my friend and try and occupy my mind for a short while. I can try and overcome and obliterate the feelings all I want but they will always be there. I guess I just need to accept it and do my best to beat it. I was asking myself this ‘Does Depression ever really go away?’. I wonder. Is it something that will always be there, deep down, and it’s just about how you handle it and how you fight it? Or will I eventually be free of it? I don’t know. I guess all you can ever do is try. I am trying so damn hard to get back to the girl I used to be and I am determined to get there. I believe securing myself a place for College will be very beneficial for me and will help me feel a sense of ‘normality’ again. I also believe it is vital that you surround yourself with the correct people as they will have a massive impact on your progress. I have found that out over the past year. Recently, I have been having dreadful nightmares whilst I sleep, thus preventing me from wanting to sleep. I feel myself lying awake for hours, with lots of thoughts running through my head, and I just can’t manage to drift off. It really is horrible – especially when you are physically and mentally tired and something is stopping you from getting the rest that you need. It is what it is.
I want to finish my blog post on a positive note; today I was talking to a very sweet lady who told me that she really enjoys reading my blog posts and that I always get the message across. She told me how often we find ourselves not being able to say what we feel – or what we want to say – and she admires that I am able to do that in my blog posts. It made me smile. I find it very heartening and truly great when people give me positive feedback on my blog posts – It means so much to me!
I hope you have all had a pleasant week so far!
twitter: @blogabtnothing1 @mcelhinneyxx