Just like that…
Time has slowly melted away.
In less than one month’s time: I will no longer be considered a teenager. How did this time come around so quickly? It only seems like yesterday I ventured out with my big brother to see what adventures we could create for ourselves for the day; It only seemed like yesterday I would go out, and I’d play, and I hadn’t a care in the world. The world was my oyster back then. I was naïve, carefree and I was a merry little thing. Now – life seems so dull. There are troubles and worries around every corner. Every day is a struggle. I feel weary, worried and nervous for my future. But that’s what life is, as you grow older, right? We are all shadows in the walls of time. We need to make the most of it. I guess we come to a point where we realise that this is our one shot at life: We determine what way it goes (or at least we can try). So, yeah, I’m no longer going to be a teenager anymore – it sucks – but it happens to us all.
20 years old. I can not believe that I am going to be 20 years old. Where did my school days go? Why have I been through so much in my teenage years – and not doing what everyone else was doing? Why do I feel so behind? Why didn’t I do this and why didn’t I do that? I feel so vexed when I think about all of the opportunities I let slip by me and all of the things I did not do when I was younger – at the same time as everyone else – but hey let’s make this a positive post. I want to look forward; not dwell on the past.
So, I’ll be turning 20 this year whilst I am in sunny Malta – with my boyfriend. I’ll be coming home to warm welcomes from my wonderful family and it will only be a matter of days/weeks until I start a college course: A professional writing skills course in the creative industries. I will no longer be seeing my counsellor or psychologist – just my doctor regularly – and I will be fighting Depression and Anxiety on my own for the first time in well over a year. I’ll still be on my medication, but at this point in my life, I need it. I’ve tried to do without – I can’t. It gets me through my day-to-day life. It really does make a huge difference. I have immersed myself in getting better over the past year: I’ve done absolutely everything I can to try and feel like ‘Charlene McElhinney’ again – the girl who I once was that became a stranger. And do you know what? I am slowly but surely getting there. I am nowhere near 100% yet but every step is one step closer, right? I am worried, however, that because I am doing too much it may be overwhelming and set me back again but I shall cross that bridge if ever I come to it…
So, August the 19th, bring it on! I am ready to turn 20 and start the beginning of the rest of my life. Onwards and Upwards.
Until next time
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