I was just sitting writing a script for college as part of my course work and a sudden spark suddenly went off in my head: It was the need to write a blog post.
Do you know what it is? I’m just so damn proud of myself for everything that I’ve achieved in the past year. I really am. I’ll get in to all that in a minute. I have so much I want to say right now that the words are going to come tumbling, pouring out from my heart and on to the keys, without me even giving them a second thought. I know that’s not very professional for a blogger but I want to type this up quickly and get it out there – live on my blog – for everyone to see because I am bursting with pride right now.
In a nutshell (for those of you who aren’t regular readers of my blog) I had a pretty tough time for nearly 2 years. Battling Depression and Anxiety, losing my Gran McElhinney who was also my role model and best friend, losing ‘close’ friends due to Depression (I’ll come back to this one in a jiffy), not wanting to be here, not knowing who to turn to and not accepting myself. I could go on and on and on and on. There are so many reasons as to why I’ve had, let’s be honest, a shit few years.
Nevertheless, this post is to be POSITIVE. Good vibes only – for a change! I am a pessimist and always, always, always bring myself down and fault myself and all that jazz – but not today lovelies.
Over the past year, through therapy and surrounding myself with the right people and for numerous other reasons (which I will share with you all in a bit) I have made such wonderful progress. I haven’t made a miraculous recovery. I still have days – frequently – where I just don’t want to walk this earth, I don’t want to face another human being, I don’t want to get out of bed or get ready or even look at myself in the mirror. In saying this, I have done so many incredible things over the past year that I just need to give myself credit for. I’m a big believer in giving credit where credit is due and I never really put that in to place for myself.
I’ll start off with negative things that I’ve overcome recently: I went in for an operation three days ago, and it was so terrifying but I went in – to a hospital – and got the operation. I did it. I hate hospitals. Despise them. But I did it. My mother and my auntie Angela came along with me and supported me through it but I did it! My first time in a hospital, personally, never broke a bone or nothing. And I managed to get through it. I’d say that’s pretty positive, right? Also, this year, I got a really tough time off a few certain individuals when I started blogging and when I opened up about my Mental Health etc. but… I got over it! I’m not going to lie, at the time I let those people get to me pretty bad, but I’m over it. And I just hope, with all my heart, soul, body and mind that those ignorant, selfless and damn right bad eggs are reading this post now and feel ashamed. Look at me now! I don’t give a damn and I used your negativity to ‘egg’ me on and move forward with my life and accomplish positive things – so if anything, I’d like to thank you :).
Over the past two years: I went to my GP and got diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety; I started taking medication and seeking help for my Mental Health; I attended psychology and counselling for a year; I started a blog; I started my own community on Twitter which has grown in to so much more (#beechat); I got myself a Christmas temp job in retail which I have recently just finished and I learned loads; I got a place in college doing a Professional Writing Skills course in the Creative Industries that nearly 600 people applied for; I started a YouTube channel; I went on holidays with my boyfriend; I’ve attended blogger events; went to concerts with my best friend; I’ve found a profound love for reading and lose myself in a book at least once every day; I’ve worked with some amazing brands through my blog; I’ve inspired and encouraged lots of people who message me daily to tell me I do so and it just honestly melts my heart and makes everything I do worthwhile.
I’m writing this today and acknowledging some of the good, positive, things in my life that I have achieved for myself because who knows how I’m going to feel tomorrow? That’s the thing with Depression. And Anxiety. You just don’t know what tomorrow holds.
But I’m doing okay.
I’m doing just fine.
FIND ME ON: