Bah Humbug! – Blogmas Day 8

As you get older, Christmas starts to lose its magic, and you need to find a way to rekindle that little spark of enchantment because it’s only once a year right?

But before you know it, it’s that time again. Suddenly Christmas is upon us. You’re out of pocket again, stressed beyond belief, running around at the speed of sound with Mariah Carey blaring in your ears (or Michael Buble, either way it’s mince), you’ve got a list as long as your arm of people to buy for that you’ve probably seen once throughout the year – most likely at a funeral or at your great aunt’s cousin’s daughter’s party… I digress. It’s just such a hullabaloo.

I’m not a ‘bah-hambug’ really. I like sending Christmas cards, I do feel my heart warming when I see kids carol singing (usually only in movies nowadays though), I do like spending time with family and giving gifts and feeling generally Christmas-y. I do enjoy this time of year. Despite my rather Negative Nancy attitude at the beginning. All I’m saying is I’m 21-years-old and each year Christmas loses another little sparkle of magic. It just ups and goes. And so do family members. Each year there seems to be someone less at the table. I don’t mean to be a Debbie Downer but how can Christmas ever possibly be the same, when someone who has sat at your table for 18+ years and pulled crackers with you and wore silly hats just because it’s what you do at a Christmas table, is all but an empty presence around you? It needs to be filled and it can’t be filled. So we all wear our silly hats, pull crackers, make conversation and pretend everything is normal but it’s not.

Christmas. It doesn’t phase me. I like spoiling my parents and spreading gifts across the living room floor like they did with us when we were little; I revel in watching them take turns in opening them one by one and seeing the joy and appreciation on their sweet faces. I look forward to watching my Coronation Street Christmas special. I like watching the same old Christmas movies they play on the TV throughout the day. Of course I like receiving gifts, who doesn’t? I like scrolling down my timeline and seeing what my friends are getting up to during the festivities. Apart from that, there’s not too much I like about Christmas.

Christmas dinner? Not for me. I don’t like it. In fact, I’ve never had it, but I know I wouldn’t like it. Getting all dressed up on Christmas day to walk around the house? It’s such a palava and I’d much rather lounge around in my new fluffy PJs.

Getting older sucks. We lost my Gran a couple of years ago and I was exceedingly close with her and it broke me. It’ll never be the same without her. This year, my brother is a daddy for the first time, and I’m genuinely so happy and excited for him but selfishly, I’m gutted he won’t be spending it with us. I’m over the moon he’s spending Christmas with his own little family now but I’ll miss him. It won’t be the same. My Gran’s gone. My brother’s gone. 2 empty seats. 2 silent voices. When you put it in to perspective it really does suck, doesn’t it?

Take me back to the times where Christmas was super exciting; my brother and I would stay up till crazy O’clock and then wake everyone up early bells. We would rush upstairs to play with our new toys – and always together. The evenings were great. We all had a sing-song and done some karaoke, my Gran’s beautiful voice filling the room, year after year. It’s been a few years now since we had a sing-song. I sat at the table with everyone and laughed and conversed even though I wasn’t eating what they were eating. Sometimes not eating at all. But I still sat with everyone. Now I just plop my ass on the couch because what’s the point? Is there a point?

Why do we continuously hype up Christmas when it’s such an anti-climax? Why do we invest so much money and time and stress on people who can’t be bothered to ask us how we are any other time of the year? Why do we show off on social media about the gifts we’ve been bought even though it’s what we have asked for and what everyone else has got? Damn. What has the world come to? What has this blog post come to?

I would say this is one of the most pessimistic posts I’ve ever wrote but I don’t think it is. But it’s up there with some of them. I didn’t intend on this post being so melancholy. I didn’t have any intentions for this post actually. I felt a rant coming on and so I took to writing. It’s what I do best.

I’m sorry if I’ve soiled your spirit for Christmas. I am really a cheery happy-go-lucky person but you’ve just caught me on a bad day. Everyone has those, right? Just usually not on the run up to Christmas, especially because of Christmas, but it is what it is.  

Until Tomorrow,

Charlene McElhinney

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11 Comments

  1. December 8, 2017 / 7:47 pm

    Oh Charlene I am so sorry you are having a bad time around Christmas. The more older I get the harder Chrisrmas gets when I live 300+ miles from all my family but now it’s for my own children and I have to make it special and magical for them when my mental health is taking a turn for the worse.
    I totally agree with you that Christmas has become more than it should be and it causes so much stress that it gets to the point where you think what is the point? I loved this post Charlene, I can relate to some measure.
    Your photographs are stunning by the way! Beautiful! ♡ ♥ ♡

  2. December 9, 2017 / 8:56 am

    to be honest I know this feeling. I don’t realise it Xmas until the week before and that’s only because of the work parties etc. each year my secs are going up later and later

  3. December 9, 2017 / 11:25 am

    You look stunning in the pics. I love it! x

    Christmas used to be a very exciting time for me, until three years ago, when my dad had a stroke. That time, it was difficult for me to be on the festive mood; I only put up Christmas decorations to put a smile on my dad’s face–which it did. But I felt the change–Christmas wasn’t what it was like it used to be–my older sister living overseas now, and my brother always absent from home. It does feel bleak, I admit, but this year, I’m going to channel it into something positive.

  4. December 10, 2017 / 10:48 am

    I don’t think I’ve ever read a Christmas post that I’ve related to so much. A couple of years back I went through two Christmas’s where for two years one after the other I lost both my grandads. My nana’s just aren’t the same anymore either and for one of them it feels like she’s not even here either. My parents are also divorced so for me and I feel selfish saying this too, I don’t feel like Christmas has ever been worth the hype. No one has ever been sat around our table like they should be, not everyone is always there. I’ve not had my parents in the same room since I was a kid and it still breaks my heart. I love giving presents and seeing their faces light up but you’re absolutely right; Christmas seems to get harder as we get older x x
    Ellis // http://www.elliswoolley.co.uk

  5. December 10, 2017 / 1:16 pm

    I’ll be honest and say this year I’m kinda feeling this. I’m still excited because it’s christmas and I’m going home for the first time since August, but there’s something missing. 10 years ago we lost my mum’s Dad Just 4 weeks after my dad’s aunt died, and from that year onwards we’ve had my Granny and dad’s uncle. Dad’s uncle died the summer of 2015, and this year we had to have my dog put down after he’d been with us for 15 years. I know he was a dog, but he was a huge part of our family, and knowing I’m going home and I won’t be greeted by his little nose pressed against the window is really hurting me. It’s the first time since I left for uni that he won’t be there to welcome me home, and I don’t know if I want to go home knowing this. We’ve had so many brilliant christmases in my parents’ house, and now they’re in the process of moving, this will be the last one there. There’s a sadness about it, and the pressure to make it a brilliant one because it’s the last, and I’m now crying even though in 48 hours I’ll be home with people who love me. Life goes on for the living, and we just need to find a way to incorporate the loved ones we’re missing

  6. December 11, 2017 / 9:09 pm

    I think Christmas is a time where we miss close ones the most. My nephew died at birth 8 years ago and it still hurts now that he never got to see a Christmas. We have a candle that we light for him every year but it’s just not the same, big hugs to you Hun and you look gorgeous as usual in your pics xx

  7. December 11, 2017 / 11:46 pm

    Christmas as a kid was magical, everything was magical about the day, but as you get older you tend to realise it’s a day for kids. I love Christmas, I love the run up to the day, I love the fairy lights, the tree, and waking my husband up at stupid o’clock because I’m just so damned excited. But I do miss those not here, of course I do, but I have the memories to last forever.

  8. December 24, 2017 / 11:43 am

    I’m inclined to believe that this post is some what universal for a great deal of us in our 20s. As I too feel tragically familiar with certain aspects of the feelings you describe in this post. There’s always one less at the table and as you grow older there’s a certain element of that sparkle that disappears. I would believe this has to do with the way we do (used to) look at christmas. As children, we preoccupy ourselves with toys and food getting older looking towards crafts, technology, clothes, make-up. Reaching as an adult our sparkles change towards the importance of loved ones and who will or will not make it. Also food. Our sparkle – that aspect which makes it special ceases as an excitement because our childhood feelings cease to be no more. Family is everything. It’s only as adults we realise that and so our hype/excitement becomes fragile.

    …how dreadfully beautiful this truth has become.

    …not to end on a negative note, happy christmas, Charlene. And seasons greetings to all bloggers commenting on her writing.

  9. December 25, 2017 / 10:11 am

    I honestly still believe Christmas is a beautiful time and beyond reasons why some may believe I still perceive it that way. You must admit there’s a certain “je ne sais quoi”, perphaps even a magical touch to the atmosphere when you think of Christmastime. There’s so much beauty to be hold that I think people forget the true meaning of Christmas and holidays and hence put wayyyy too much pressure on the season. This definitely takes away from the love and cheer. I understand your points in this posts, it’s ok not to have a hyped up and fantastic Christmas because it’s just a day and things don’t go accordingly esp when you want them too. But whatever you decide to do or not do, I hope your day still makes you smile when you reflect on it. Merry Christmas gorgeous!

    xx Lena | https://lenadeexo.com/

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