As you get older, Christmas starts to lose its magic, and you need to find a way to rekindle that little spark of enchantment because it’s only once a year right?
But before you know it, it’s that time again. Suddenly Christmas is upon us. You’re out of pocket again, stressed beyond belief, running around at the speed of sound with Mariah Carey blaring in your ears (or Michael Buble, either way it’s mince), you’ve got a list as long as your arm of people to buy for that you’ve probably seen once throughout the year – most likely at a funeral or at your great aunt’s cousin’s daughter’s party… I digress. It’s just such a hullabaloo.
I’m not a ‘bah-hambug’ really. I like sending Christmas cards, I do feel my heart warming when I see kids carol singing (usually only in movies nowadays though), I do like spending time with family and giving gifts and feeling generally Christmas-y. I do enjoy this time of year. Despite my rather Negative Nancy attitude at the beginning. All I’m saying is I’m 21-years-old and each year Christmas loses another little sparkle of magic. It just ups and goes. And so do family members. Each year there seems to be someone less at the table. I don’t mean to be a Debbie Downer but how can Christmas ever possibly be the same, when someone who has sat at your table for 18+ years and pulled crackers with you and wore silly hats just because it’s what you do at a Christmas table, is all but an empty presence around you? It needs to be filled and it can’t be filled. So we all wear our silly hats, pull crackers, make conversation and pretend everything is normal but it’s not.
Christmas. It doesn’t phase me. I like spoiling my parents and spreading gifts across the living room floor like they did with us when we were little; I revel in watching them take turns in opening them one by one and seeing the joy and appreciation on their sweet faces. I look forward to watching my Coronation Street Christmas special. I like watching the same old Christmas movies they play on the TV throughout the day. Of course I like receiving gifts, who doesn’t? I like scrolling down my timeline and seeing what my friends are getting up to during the festivities. Apart from that, there’s not too much I like about Christmas.
Christmas dinner? Not for me. I don’t like it. In fact, I’ve never had it, but I know I wouldn’t like it. Getting all dressed up on Christmas day to walk around the house? It’s such a palava and I’d much rather lounge around in my new fluffy PJs.
Getting older sucks. We lost my Gran a couple of years ago and I was exceedingly close with her and it broke me. It’ll never be the same without her. This year, my brother is a daddy for the first time, and I’m genuinely so happy and excited for him but selfishly, I’m gutted he won’t be spending it with us. I’m over the moon he’s spending Christmas with his own little family now but I’ll miss him. It won’t be the same. My Gran’s gone. My brother’s gone. 2 empty seats. 2 silent voices. When you put it in to perspective it really does suck, doesn’t it?
Take me back to the times where Christmas was super exciting; my brother and I would stay up till crazy O’clock and then wake everyone up early bells. We would rush upstairs to play with our new toys – and always together. The evenings were great. We all had a sing-song and done some karaoke, my Gran’s beautiful voice filling the room, year after year. It’s been a few years now since we had a sing-song. I sat at the table with everyone and laughed and conversed even though I wasn’t eating what they were eating. Sometimes not eating at all. But I still sat with everyone. Now I just plop my ass on the couch because what’s the point? Is there a point?
Why do we continuously hype up Christmas when it’s such an anti-climax? Why do we invest so much money and time and stress on people who can’t be bothered to ask us how we are any other time of the year? Why do we show off on social media about the gifts we’ve been bought even though it’s what we have asked for and what everyone else has got? Damn. What has the world come to? What has this blog post come to?
I would say this is one of the most pessimistic posts I’ve ever wrote but I don’t think it is. But it’s up there with some of them. I didn’t intend on this post being so melancholy. I didn’t have any intentions for this post actually. I felt a rant coming on and so I took to writing. It’s what I do best.
I’m sorry if I’ve soiled your spirit for Christmas. I am really a cheery happy-go-lucky person but you’ve just caught me on a bad day. Everyone has those, right? Just usually not on the run up to Christmas, especially because of Christmas, but it is what it is.
FIND ME ON: