Mid-week Musings

pexels-photo-606541

I always encourage other people to speak out about their mental health – to reach out for help when they are feeling vulnerable or low. And what do I do? I struggle alone. Silently. I think it’ll shift itself and that I’m best not worrying anyone.

Suddenly I’ve hit rock bottom again and I feel like the world owns me. I feel like I’m being tickled on the nose with a feather and I can’t scratch the itch. I feel like everyone is against me and that even I am against me. What is wrong with me?

I can’t even put words together. I’m a writer who neglects her blog, refuses to excel in just about everything, refuses to believe that I’m anything more than nothing, who just can’t seem to put her finger on what the hell is wrong with me? I’m at university, and I’m so fucking lucky to be in the position I am in, and yet I struggle to leave my bed in the morning because I can’t face lectures. I can’t face people. I can’t face it.

Nevertheless, I go, and I try, and I’m truly grateful for my position. I am. Please don’t mistake my musings as thankless. But then, I’ve worked damn hard, and I do deserve this place at university. So why am I brainwashing myself in to thinking I’m less than everyone else, that I’m undeserving, and not capable.

You see, the way I speak to you now, is the way I battle with myself every. single. day.

It’s a battle in my mind, day in, and day out. It’s never-ending. It’s tiring. It’s draining. It’s not my fault I think this way. And it’s not yours either. When you’re feeling like the whole world is on your shoulders, it probably is, and you shouldn’t beat yourself up about feeling pressured by deadlines, mundane day-to-day activities, meeting a friend, running an errand etc. –  sometimes having lots of little things to do in one day can somehow manifest and transform itself in to being one huge gargantuan thing. And big things are scary. They are. I think that’s what keeps us going though.

So please, if you do one thing today, no matter how big or how small – give yourself a pat on the back. Allow yourself to feel proud of your accomplishment. Maybe you’ll wash your hair, or go to the post office, or get dressed, or put some make up on, or text a friend back… whatever it is you are entitled to feel good about it. Why do we always feel bad for doing these things, and regard them as normality, when it consumes every ounce of energy you’ve got to do them? That’s not normal. And that’s OK. We all have these days. We all have these moments. Stop putting yourself down. I’m not just talking to you guys right now, I’m talking to me, too.

Take care,

Charlene McElhinney

FIND ME ON:

Twitter

Instagram

Facebook

YouTube

Email: charlenemcelhinney@icloud.com

Snapchat: TheMcElhiester

BUY MY BOOK 

Image source

Share:

7 Comments

  1. February 7, 2018 / 12:34 pm

    Very nice post. Blogging for example can be relaxing but when you read about other peoples success sometimes it makes you discredit your little wins because it might not seem like much compared to theirs.

  2. February 7, 2018 / 12:52 pm

    This is extremely relatable. I have days I hate to admit where I struggle to lift my phone I’m that deep in depression I can’t do anything and I think myself a fake, but when I do do it I feel like I shouldn’t be able to do it if I have days I can’t. I call myself a fake a fraud and I honestly beat myself over it. Dealing with MH is tough but reading that you’re not the only one is very helpful yet I wish no-one had to deal with it! You are an inspiration, your writing is incredible! X x

  3. February 7, 2018 / 5:07 pm

    Very relatable. Them day’s where you struggle to get out of bed really aren’t the one. Sometimes you need a day in bed, don’t forget to look after yourself my lovely you’re not on your own x x

  4. February 8, 2018 / 12:27 am

    This is very relatable. I’ve been working on my Mental Health post for my blog for a long time but just haven’t had the courage to share it but I think I’m ready to start discussing it on my blog now.
    Thank you for encouraging people to speak out.

    Look after yourself lovely.
    Sending you lots of love x

    Sabah || http://www.womanishaffairs.org

  5. February 11, 2018 / 9:19 am

    This is so relatable Charlene! I get so scared that people won’t understand or that my explanation of how my anxiety is making me feel enough isn’t “good enough” so I just keep it to myself and a lot of the time, I find myself crying in my room. I’m always here if you need someone to talk to xx

  6. February 12, 2018 / 8:31 pm

    On the days where you manage to make it into uni, you should look at those moments and feel proud of yourself that you achieved that goal even though it was so difficult to do. Hopefully then, it will help you feel better and not feel so down!

    Tabitha x
    http://www.whattabithaloves.co.uk/

  7. February 17, 2018 / 7:58 am

    I can relate to this a lot. I’ve always been the kind of person who tends to keep their mental health struggles to themselves and I tend to be pretty hard on myself. It’s always comforting to hear about other people dealing with the same things, though. Take care and remember the bad days don’t last forever.

Share your thoughts!